I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
