They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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