It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
