i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
