he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
