38 yer olds are good kisserssss
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize