So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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