My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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