Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i dont even know how to be here
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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