Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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