just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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