i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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