Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
