it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
