im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
