If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
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