Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
