in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
