I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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