Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
