apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
