Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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