even my farts smell like vagina
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
