I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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