I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
