Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
