I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
