operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize