I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
