I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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