; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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