Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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