There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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