i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
