did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
