Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
