***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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