Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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