why didn't you poke me back
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
