my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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