Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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