i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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