in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize