She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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