Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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