This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
