i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
