i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
