I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
