maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My penis needs a shock collar
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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