My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
