the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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