u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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