so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
