Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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