Non-Jews are for practice
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
