you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
