Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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