You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
