i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
