These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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