Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize