do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
