VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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