Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
