I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
