Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
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