you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
