Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
