You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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