never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
