plz talk dirty to me
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
