How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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