I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
