when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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