did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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