i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
