My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
