ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's official drugs can't kill me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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