well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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