if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
After tacos, we're chasing women.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize