i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
