we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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