Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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