I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
