I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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