my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
