so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
